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the army for me [October 08, 2009] there is this road all boys must take at certain point in life they abandon homes they abandon friends in greens and bunks - survive with anxiety and much reluctance, they struggle down this path through toils and smells and what have yous they incur nature's wrath no more has the rain been much of a friend as such the time is now no more has heat from the burning sphere forced our backs in bow to the mercy of all that is given and then the time will come when friendship forged in war's hell fire ends in gin and rum we collide, we fight, we pay our dues two years (1year and 10months) we serve the nation the end will come and we will be proud and say "goodbye" with elation - derek 1/ read reply

part 2 [October 06, 2009] “Sweet heart, please, tell me what’s wrong?” “Mom, stop asking! Nothing is wrong” Lena snapped, at her mom’s fifth attempt in getting a confession and an explanation. It wasn’t the first time, and Mrs. Marsh knew well enough, that it’s not the last. Earlier this evening, after finishing her job as a receptionist at the St. Pete Clinic, Mrs. Marsh had rushed home to prepare her midweek macaroni and cheese dinner, but before she could so much as enter the front door, the phone rang – and she had to leave again. “Hi, is this Mrs. Marsh?” “Yes I am, who am I speaking to?” “This is Regina, Regina Sims. I’m Lena’s home teacher” “Okay” Mrs. Marsh replied, hastily. “So sorry to disturb, but I would just like to inform you that Lena will be home slightly later today.” “Oh!” Marsh heaved a sigh of relief, no mischief this time. “That’s okay” “No, not really. She’ll be in detention. She forced crayons down one of her classmate’s throat” “Oh dear.” Lena twirled around the macaroni pieces with her plastic fork before putting it in her mouth. It was a tad dry, but it was dinner. “How’s the food dear?” “A little dry” Lena mumbled, not wanting to sound too disappointed, she quickly redeemed herself “But I like it still” “I bet crayons would go great with macaronis huh?” It was a swift and subtle slap to Lena. “What do you mean?” “Mrs. Sims called me” “Yeah, so? What’s your point?” She snapped back. “Do you want to talk about it?” “No, stop asking. Can we just have dinner.” “But…” But before Mrs. Marsh could finish her plea, Lena shot her a please-mom-or-I’ll-leave-the-table-now look – and the conversation stop short, and they left it where it is – as did the many other times before. reply

part 1 [October 01, 2009] [ mood | accomplished ] many months back i tried to write a story, upon learning that there was a singapore's writers festival. well it sounded cool. so this is the first chapter. it's not the best, but i did my best. ... I think there is someone for everyone in the world – whether we find it or not, is a different story. But wouldn’t you agree that it’d be a great epic world novel, if everyone found that someone? But even if you don’t, traces of soul mates are scattered all around. You find them in faces of friends who never says no when you need a shoulder, a lover who holds your hand when you’re at the dentist, or a mother who toils for the bread she puts on your table every morning. There is a small town called Peppersville, and right in the heart of the town lives a family called the Jones. Mr. Jones was a toy maker, and his ambition was to put a smile on the faces of every child, and he loves Mrs. Jones very much. They had a boy, and everyone who knew Jonas liked him, he was matured, and sensible, and Mrs. Jones once called him a “Boy Angel”. And he always carried an old, rusty silver pocket watch wherever he went, even though the time died with the hands telling of dawn. “Why do you keep carrying that crap around? It doesn’t work anymore, and it’s bulky – it’s junk” Lena was his only friend. Lena was not your perfect student, or perfect girl – in an amazing contradiction, Lena was the exact opposite of Jonas. And as a result led from a broken family caused by infidelity, fueled by alcohol and frayed into a divorce – Lena sought attention from outside her home. She would vie for attention in every possible way, which naturally became a problem for her teachers when she started bullying younger kids, and when lectures from them falls on her deaf ears. One day, during one of the many detention, she met Jonas. Intrigued by his optimism and reckless trust in people, she became friends with him – on the account where he was not allowed to tell anyone else. “Just give it to me, I’ll throw it away for you” “No.” “Why? Haven’t you heard me at all? It’s spoiled, flawed, faulty, it’s not working” “Well, you’re one to talk Lenny, you don’t listen to me too. Besides, it reminds me of a simpler time” “Whatever “ 1/ read reply

[September 09, 2009] [ music | mcr ] long ago, just like a hearse you died to get in again we are so far away burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate the lives of everyone you know came a time when every star falls - brought you to tears again we are the very hurt you sold what's the worst you take from every heart you break like a blade you stain i've been holding on tonight can you hear me? are you near me? can we pretend, to leave and then we'll meet again when both our cars collide what's the worst that i can say? 1/ read reply

FOR ALL FEMALE READERS! [August 23, 2009] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | this day and age ] more information coming soon, but in the meantime, please visit below. it's my cousin's online store. pretty good stuff for pretty good deals - i'm not wanking you. http://www.petitpinkbook.com/ 2/ read reply

this is your life [August 21, 2009] [ music | tjt ] a moment's only temporary, let too many go - and you'll be history too reply

buried myself alive [August 05, 2009] [ mood | amused ] [ music | the used ] you almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines, you almost made me cry again this time another false alarm, red flashing lights - this time I'm not going to watch myself die. i think I made it a game to play your game and let myself cry, i buried myself alive on the inside, so I could shut you out and let you go away for a long time i think the chain broke away and I felt it the day that I had my own time. i took advantage of myself and felt fine, but it was worth the night, i caught an early flight and I made it home i guess it's okay I puked the day away. i guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way. and if you want me back, you're gonna have to ask nicer than that. nicer than that. 1/ read reply

eons and ion [July 31, 2009] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | staind ] i am nothing but a little boy inside who cries out for attention yet i always try to hide ... a long halt since my last word and rant breakout - there is no persistent need to blog or share my life anymore. i don't write in hopes that those who read this would doubtlessly assume that my days spent are wisely used. no, not really. in and strange twist of circumstances (and only in my case), i would think one who had spent a day precariously, with unlimited activities and out-of-nowhere spontaneous acts would result in fatal fatigue - and my only comfort would be my bed, not my laptop. and if this day does come to pass, i would want to share it with people who listens, who cares, who's important - but having said that, it would be slightly odd to recount to them the incidents in the day when i probably would've spent that day with them. who else would i live carelessly and daringly with except for those i trust with my life? so who's left to recount my day to? yes, everybody else. but, that'll be a few days later, maybe weeks, even months (such as now) because there is no importance. at the very least, i would status my Facebook and plaster it over cyberspace. "XXXX HAD A GREAT TIME TODAY!" this would invite questions and comments of goodwill as such - and short, sweet replies would not be at all rude. so after a few weeks of eventless days, i get down to finally write these experiences, and i realize it doesn't matter if the whole world knows about it, i know - my future self would know through memories - and that's really all that matters. no fishing for comments, not anymore in this lake. i must be growing up! on an extremely different note with this very abrupt change in topic, i'm working in ION now. well of course i'm not working in an unfinished building. it's the only decent picture (that isn't fake) i can find on the net. it was already opened a week back, and if you had only just found out after reading this - get out of your house now, there's a bigger world out there beyond the circular shaped sky right above your head. after leaving Cathay, godforsaken Cathay behind, i would gladly take the confusing paths at ION anytime. the stretches of shops that seems to hide in every corner brings out the explorer in you. we, men, were meant to hold spears and hunt - even in malls. ready your wallet and start angling, start hunting. anything beats Cathay, ground zero for the anorexics and zombies - and with the spotlights angled right in your face in the shop - air conditioning looses its meaning, it's effect warmed by the heavy lights. it's like a mini toy fan blowing at you every 5 minutes in a sauna. horrid. come explore ION now! join the trail of shoppers and enter VERY WOOONDERLAND. help me reach daily targets and i will buy you shaker fries. 6/ read reply

middlesex [July 21, 2009] [ mood | melancholy ] everybody struggles against despair, but it always wins. it has to. it's the thing that lets us say goodbye. 2/ read reply

world's apart [July 14, 2009] [ mood | calm ] [ music | JOC ] i am the only one to blame for this but somehow it all ends up the same soaring on the wings on selfish pride i flew too high and like Icarus i collide - with a world i try to hard to leave behind to rid myself of all, but love, to give and die to turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of the one who loves - more deeply than the ocean more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache can i be the one to sacrifice? or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow to love you, i'll take my world apart to need you - i am on my knees take my world apart broken on my knees all said and done i stand alone amongst remains of a life i should not own it takes all i am to believe in the mercy that covers me did you really have to die for me? all i am for all you are 'coz what i need and what i believe are worlds apart i look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remains more and more i need you now i owe you more each passing hour this battle between grace and pride - i gave up not so long ago so steal my heart and take the pain and wash the feet and cleanse my pride take the selfish take the weak and all the things i cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears this sin and soaked heart make it yours take my world all apart - take it now and i serve the ones i despise speak the words i can't deny - watch the world i used to love fall to dust and thrown away all the things i cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears take my world apart take my world apart reply

check it out, i'm a tree hugger [June 15, 2009] listen up brothers and sisters come hear my desperate tale i speak of our friends of nature trapped in the dirt like a jail vegetables lives in oppression served on our tables each night this killing of veges is madness i say we take up the fight salads are only for murderers coleslaw's a fascist's regime don't think that they don't have feelings just 'coz a radish can't scream i saw a man eating celery so i beat him black and blue if he ever touches a sprout again i'll bite him clean in two i'm a political prisoner trapped in a windowless cage coz i stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing 5 men in a rage i told the judge when he sentenced me "this is my finest hour - i'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower!" i've heard the screams of the vegetables having their skins being peeled (fates in the stirfry are sealed) grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gormet slob) how do you think that feels? (leave them out in the field!) carrot juice constitutes murder (V8's genocide) greenhouse are prisons for slaves (yes your composts are graves) it's time to stop all this gardening (take up macrame) lets call a spade, a spade how low as people do we dare to stoop making young broccoli(s) bleed in the soup untie your beans uncage your tomatoes let potted plants free don't mash that potato!!! 4/ read reply

the gaping thin grey line [June 01, 2009] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | mae ] two days and i've not slept wink these thoughts that i've been thinking this is the mark i aim to miss you toss and turn i lie awake who knows what i've been drinking another cheap meaningless kiss six days and i can't see the same brown eyes in this reflection is this the man you say i'll be you toss and turn, i lie awake into the sin we're sinking holding us back from breathing free more than words - keep to yourself like the curse fairs thee well one man came, one truth to tell all this blame - hammers your way to hell i've got a feeling it's not the safest place to start this heavy breathing, it seems we're better off breaking hearts from the beginning dulled down and lost with all its charm i just want to wake up in someone's arm ... i cannot begin to describe the agony i'm feeling. i have things to say, words to pen, stuffs to tell - but i've been putting it off for so much longer than i expected myself to - and at present, everything's lodged in my head, with millions of thoughts trying to claw their way out in a vicious competition. i've got a lion's den in my head. and in my desperate attempt to chain them down, i forced a bit of mental morphine into my head. i call it procrastination. and that sucks, really. about three weeks ago, on a really ordinary Saturday where pink people and pink dogs trot around parks, my head started to ache. and ache, is an understatement. it was quite unbearable. and just when you're tricked into believing that the pain is gone, the pulsating madness returns with an extra teaspoon of vengeance. and it lasted for a period of 4 days - and no amount of Panadols worked. the pain was relentless, even when i put my head down to rest, in hopes that for a second or two the pain would subside, but it didn't. bastard migraine. i'm not usually a hypochondriac, but given the situation - i was thrown with endless thoughts and limitless possibilities of what might be causing the pain - and it didn't help that i was alone. so i lay awake the first night, because of the pain, and because of the fear. the thoughts i was thinking howled like a thousand ton train of massive pessimism. is it a ruptured vein? am i bleeding? is it a blood clot? is my vision blurry? what if it's a tumor? what if i have cancer? brain cancer? what's going to happen after i die? what if i only have a few months? what if it's days? yes, very Panophobic, but i was neurotic. and thinking properly wasn't at all possible when you're alone, in pain, and it's late at night. and without my throbbing brain's knowing, i ended up making plans, mentally jotting down my bucket list. okay, my point is - nobody thinks about these till the very last minute, or what seems to be the last moment or chapter of their lives. we casually graze through life like cows on fields. but just before the wolf sinks those life-ending teeth into your skin, right when ivory meets skin - time pauses. and you're forced to think the purest of thoughts, and it's when you start being honest with yourself. ego and pride has no place in your story now, because you have nothing to lose. and you begin to pen the last chapter, your last chapter, in whatever given time you have, in which case it would usually seem short. we take life for granted. but you all know that already, don't you? but in my case, it wasn't a wolf, it was more like a flea, a giant flea sinking it's teeth - although the pain felt like a wolf's. bastard migraine. the thin line between life and death, doesn't seem to thin after all. between the limbo splitting these two ultimatum, we have much to think, much to say, and much to see. most thin lines are a lot thicker than we make them out to be. the thin line between love and hate, life and death, child and adult, right and wrong - this or that. in between them are choices, your choice to make. even though the law that governs our lives are written in black and white, there is no law to dictate our choices. if you make the wrong choice, then you lay in the bed you've made yourself. and hopefully a good night's sleep would clear your head. and i pray you never get the bastard migraine. must be all the pink, so says Emma Fruity. i'm allergic. (if you find this post useless, it most likely is, i'm blogging to keep myself from exploding in the shop. the heat is scorching, the beaming spot lights are on me even when my last name isn't Spears. the air conditioning is at it's most minimal. i have to write something!) 7/ read reply

goodnight [May 19, 2009] turn your eyes ahead the wind against our back’s to blame leave your bright lights set cause late night roads all look the same medians and yellow lines will take us back, will kill the time & when those city lights just fade away goodnight i’ve had quite enough of you goodnight think of all the time I blew and if you think I’m coming back then you haven’t got a clue goodnight find your way up north cause everyone’s got a dream to chase find a different course cause late night roads all look the same a steady beat and melody will make us who we want to be & when those city lights just fade away see your name in city lights your home is nowhere in our sight thoughts of what there always was brings regrets just because 7/ read reply

[April 10, 2009] halfway around the world lies the one thing that you want buried in the ground hundreds miles down first thing that arises in your mind when you awake is bending you till you break don't know what you're made of till the one thing that you want to come in with the dawn and suddenly changes Monday, syndicate meets everyone the same are we lost to the flame? someday when this is over we may still have no answer but as i hold you we are closer, we are closer close your eyes don't open till the morning light don't ever forget we haven't lost it all, yet all we know for sure is all that we've been fighting for don't forget, we haven't lost it all - yet 4/ read reply

wake up [March 30, 2009] something filled up my heart with nothing someone told me not to cry but now that i'm older my heart gets colder and i can see that it's a lie children, wake up hold your mistakes up before they turn the summer into dust if children don't grow up our bodies get bigger - but our hearts get torn up we're just a million little gods causing rainstorms that turns every good thing into rust i guess we'll just have to adjust 2/ read reply

always [March 28, 2009] it's always a choice reply

tide over [March 16, 2009] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Kings of Convenience ] this pit of marsh, is it for real, is it for good is it here to stay is it as wonderful as i think and see is it all that it is made out to be? or is it just a tide, comes quickly rushes out and in the end leaves me abandoned to the merciless sun if i were given a choice all over i'd pen it different i'll pen it with courage i'll pen it sober reply

goodbye, goodnight [March 15, 2009] the nights are getting colder the red light's on it's over to give up now doesn't make much sense so this is my goodbye surprised, because i thought i could walk you home tonight but you're leaving me here on the defense i've written you this letter got it back "returned to sender" i just can't remember you being quite like that misunderstand we're holding hands we're at the beach we're throwing sand as the lights go up around us i can't believe it's over goodbye, i'm not going to waste this time this light that burns will keep on fading goodnight, i'm not getting up off this ride i'm holding tight until i can feel alive i'm sitting under falling stars do you miss me where you are? i'm making plans to be with you but has they come unglued what am i to do, without you the nights are getting warm again they let you go, i let you in everything you're saying sounds right tonight waves are crashing on and on we're running even if we're wrong this force is driving me to test the speed of light reply

nothing [March 15, 2009] [ music | our lady peace ] i have nothing left to give, and nothing else to prove reply

because everything feels better once you lay your head to rest [March 14, 2009] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | mae, switchfoot ] wish i had what i needed to be on my own 'coz i feel so defeated and i'm feeling alone and it all seem so helpless and i have no plans i'm a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land and i feel stuck watching history repeating and i'm just a kid who knows he's needy and all my sandcastles spend their time collapsing ... "Dear Waiaung, I was packing my room for the past few days because i have (absolutely) nothing better to do, and also because of the sudden large amount of space i have after having my notes for the past 8 years stacked and placed in the store room - so you get the picture. plenty of space/time + nothing to do = much ranting and packing (see above for ranting) i came across a lot of our pictures, class photos, old textbooks with your doodles (like fucking hell all over my A Math textbook), and everything came screaming back to me. your laughter, your hundred colored hairpins, our Wednesdays chicken rice, racing for the last in class, skipping prefect duties, not wearing ties, recess, biology classes, camps, breaking your ankle (after having to chase after me for the rugby) - i found out something. i found out i have a friend. i realized that's a stupid thing to say, but stay with me. we've got friends everywhere, and sometimes we take them for granted. whether in a obscure or apparent way, we do that sometimes. and i'm guilty of that even for you. but i realized something - i think friendships are cheap. we can befriend anyone - but we can't be-a-friend to everyone. i've seen your laughter, i've seen your smiles, i've seen you in pain, i've seen you in despair, i've seen your tears, i've seen you in a dress, and i've seen you in shorts, and i've seen you in bikinis - and if we reversed all of that, i think you've seen me through all my troubles, confusion, acceptance, euphoria and dysphoria (although you've gotta minus the dress and bikinis part). that is a friend. because despite all of that, i still love you. i would hangout with you in town and hear you grumble about (he who must not be named) and buy you flowers during valentines because i would go to all lengths to see your smile - and if i were to make you cry i'd be happy too because at least i'm worth something to you. you're my best friend. along with wenling, jeslin and bessie - and even though you're halfway across the globe, i'll see you everyday in our class photos. even though it is a 'you' 5 years ago, i still take joy in knowing that you're still the same girl i made friends with. i hope you are doing well. i miss you. Yours forever, BFFF and BFFF (Best Fucking Friend Forever and Big Fat Friend Forever) Derek ... Goodbye, I'm not going to waste this time, this light that burns will keep on fading. Goodnight 4/ read reply

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